WHOOOEEEEE APRIL

Written by Stumblin’ Jimmy Watermelon

y how time flies, particularly with all the winds that have been comin’ up as late. Of course those would be the winds of nature, ‘cause the winds of the politicians have been blowin’ a blustery howdy-do for some time now. And flies, Lordy aren’t they just crawlin’ and buzzin’ around the oil barrel. Out on the farm, that would allude to the likelihood that somethin’ therein is rotten and just plain stinks. And while our Rome burns, the Neros just keep fiddlin’ away.

Now if this here was a courageously truthful news broadcast (note: news, I believe it is; truthful, as best I can be; broadcast, I’m tryin’; courageous, your call an’ it aint about me), we’d be panning over to the admittedly old, but fresh face of citizen-statesman, Roy “Pops” Chaffin. I introduced him to you in our March story. Being totally agreeable with the idea, he’s my write-in candidate for the upcoming Presidential election. What pray tell could be his qualifications? Well, as they say in the country, “Let’s take a look-see.”

Roy “Pops” Chaffin is a “fixer.” By that, I mean he’s broadly mechanically minded. That tells a whole lot right there. “Pops,” in his many years, has been a mechanic on everything from lawn mowers to automobiles, to cigar makin’ whizzle-giggits, to bumper makin’ machines. That my friends would include the many facets of logic and one of our greatest endangered species -- common sense. Those were not all payin’ jobs mind you, sometimes just done to keep the quality of life of his family movin’ forward.

That brings up another rare bird on the endangered list these days and one of Roy “Pops” Chaffin’s hallmarks -- his sense of family and the integrity thereof. “Pops” met his greatest sweetheart and married in 1954. Through good times and hard, he and his wife traveled their road together and have raised three fine boys, now all good and honest men.

To me, Roy “Pops” Chaffin, is the epitome of the good and honest common man, the like of those whose efforts have built the best of what this country has stood for. Literally, he has strode through the light and darkness, working in farmer’s fields as a boy and toiling in the bowels of the earth, working in the West Virginia coal mines until a layoff moved him on.

There’s one other thing. Roy “Pops” Chaffin is a Christian. Oh he won’t go on and on about it, but I tell you he is what I perceive as the true image of that. He fights the good fight, living and forever growing through the honest trials of what I first read in the Good Book as a boy. No condemnation of others mind you, but following as best a man can, within himself, in what he believes is right.

Over our lunch at work one day, not too long ago, “Pops” told me a little story from his childhood and tied it up so well with what’s goin’ on today. It seems, as you may have guessed, that he came from a family of meager holdings. He said, They were so poor that the poor folks felt sorry for them. Much of what little they had, they made, and that included toys.” Well there was this one toy that each child in turn, when of age, would teach the younger how to make. They called it a “Whoooeeee Stick.” Its construction consisted of one willow twig about ten inches long, whittled down in diameter until it had a limberness that was just so. Then they would carve a little propeller out of oak or ashe wood and burn a tiny hole through its center. Through that they would stick a tack or a pin then pushing the pointy end into one end of the willow twig, leaving the propeller loose enough to be able to turn freely. Next, from a ten inch or so length of hickory twig, they would whittle down a second stick of equal size to the first. Construction now completed, holding the end of the stick with the propeller in one hand and with the other hand rubbing the second stick back and forth across the first, the little propeller would spin as ferociously as they could rub the one stick across the other. All the while they would chant, “Whoooeeee, whoooeeee, whoooeeee.”

“Pops” says that childhood memory reminds him a lot of what we’re experiencing today and have for some time in the political arena. Politicians standing before us trying to see whose whoooeeee stick can go the fastest, all the while hoping to mesmerize us with their abilities. The problem is that their rhetoric is worthless, just as that little toy spins away but goes nowhere.

“Pops” may not have a chance of winning this election, but his words are certainly worth weighing. And the humor of it all? Are you kidding? Sideshow barkers wailing, whoooeeee sticks a’ flying; the cleptofleptic mezmerization (my trademark phrase) of the public continues . . .

Going Coastal —
Twelve Months And Then Some of
Stumblin’ Jimmy Watermelon

James Lynah Palmer Jr.
Sea Oats Publishing LLC

A collection of short stories straight from the heart of the Lowcountry. Stumblin’ Jimmy shares adventures from his life that include many colorful characters. His tales have such wit and drip with so much southern charm that he has been called the twenieth century Mark Twain. Jimmy is a monthly contributer to the Bluffton Breeze Magazine and his work is in syndication. To purchase “Going Coastal” email to: seaoatspublishing@yahoo.com or call (843)762-2606.