A Hacker's Humiliations

A Glossary of Golf Grotesqueries

Written by Joel Zuckerman

’m very pleased to announce the publication of my fourth book, titled, “A Hacker’s Humiliations---A Glossary of Golf Grotesqueries,” released just this month by Sports Media Group of Ann Arbor, Michigan.

The idea behind the book is simple. It’s a compilation of three dozen-odd common golf humiliations, situations that anyone who’s played the game for any length of time, are familiar with. These have been paired up with instructional solutions from some of the best-known names in the game, along with numerous club pros of my acquaintance. So, besides golf luminaries like Greg Norman, Loren Roberts, Fred Funk, Beth Daniel, Dave Pelz and Brad Faxon contributing, I’ve also enlisted the help of some Bluffton-area pros among those I know nationwide. Moss Creek’s Heidi Wright, Berkeley Hall’s Andrew Rice, and Mike Harmon of Beaufort’s Secession Club, have all contributed. As has Hilton Head native Reilley Rankin, the LPGA up-and-comer, who just last month managed a career-best fourth place at the Women’s British Open.

In the book you’ll find all sorts of sorry scenarios, treated in a humorous manner. There’s the Bunker Chunker, Off-the-planet-Janet, Anna Banana, the Assassin, the Worm Burner, the Pastor of Disaster, Pop-up-Boy, the Shorty Driver and Tee-Box Tripper, among dozens of others. I got these ideas not only from observing my own foursome’s antics, but also watching professional golf at its highest levels. For example, at the 2005 Masters, Tiger Woods knocked an eagle putt off of the green and into a water hazard, incurring a penalty stroke. (See “on in two, off in three,” pp. 37.) A couple of years earlier, Jeff Maggert was leading the same tournament in the final round. He proceeded to thin a bunker shot which caromed off of the lip and came right back at him, plunking him in the chest. (See “Rick O’Shea,” pp. 48) Decades prior, Arnold Palmer was bunkered on Augusta National’s 72nd hole, needing to get up and down for a victory, or two-putt for a playoff. Instead he lost the tournament by sculling the ball 30 feet over the green. (See “The Bunker Blader,” page 76) On the famed island green at TPC Sawgrass during the 1997 Players Championship, Davis Love III inadvertently dinked his ball sideways while making a practice putting stroke. (See “The Dink,” pp. 104) John Daly once took four furious whacks in succession at a ball lodged between some rocks, drawing sparks, but not moving the ball a whit. (See “The Whiffer,” pp. 126) These household-name golf stars have won some two dozen Major championships between them. Their on-course prowess and off-course reputation has resulted in nearly a billion dollars of combined earnings. But once in a great while, even the best of the best have to endure a hacker’s humiliation, just like the rest of us. The permutations are endless. We step to the first tee with 14 clubs, ready to play 18 holes, normally take 80, 90 or 100+ shots. But the potential for embarrassment, the possibility of extreme degradation or mortification in any given situation, is infinite. You don’t have to be a bona fide hacker to endure the never-ending humiliations that occur on the golf course. As noted above, these moments of extreme ineptitude happen to the crème de la crème as well. They just happen to happen to the likes of us a lot more often.

Personalized copies make a great gift! To order “A Hacker’s Humiliations,” “Golf in the Lowcountry,” or any of my books for yourself or someone you care about, please contact me at info@vagabondgolfer.com or call 912-663-7851